DON'T READ THIS. [Self-dialogue] What to do when I am feeling less than my expectancy.

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Being 25 and worthless.

It is all seems hard when you are now considered an adult already. With all things you had tried and fail, waking up again and fail again while looking into your screen and scrolling down into someone's success and enjoying their life on Instagram.

I know this seems familiar for some people out there, and welcome here to all of the fellas. I think you are having this same feeling secretly.

There is a lot of YouTube channel I've gone watch about how to increase my money by being more productive, learning another skill, get lost into the universe of toxic productivity. What does it cost? My family time, myself as well, and a lot of ambiguity of being productive regardless of the time I can use for rest or being social is consumed. Certainly, you may think so and the list goes on.

But, little thing I know, what things I have done till now, I realize that this is neither worthless nor wasting my time.

I have learned and doing a lot by now, like:

  1. Making content on a lot of social media, which I believe is a small investment, like taking video, making a photo, and lastly doing content writing like this.
  2. Learning to code for mobile apps development in a flutter framework.
  3. How to secure me personally as a business manager by studying how to contracts works
  4. Trying a lot of business and failed miserably.
  5. Learning how to make some cool music using DAW.

And the list can be long enough, so let’s stop from there because it could be more random. I think you got the point of how annoyingly toxic I was in a (hollow) productivity.


Let’s talk about how this is unhealthy for some reason because this is how I feel in my own opinion.

The time is ticking and everyone kinda focuses on one thing they rely on, they saw their progress and living for what they doing. While me? I do it for free just because I think I cant fit yet to make it monetizable.

Fortunately, i had a day job that basically my family business, but base on the standard minimum wages, it seems by averages, i need to increase my financial balance.

But, always having a lot of reason to hold back to focus, my own focus was into too much to hustle. The minimum effort that should actually be done always lowers my self-esteem while watching my friend getting more success than me.

So am I questioning myself that I was destined to be poor and can't help others? most likely, yes.

Am I worthless at the lowest of myself comparing to the others? no.

Does this likely cant be changed? of course no.

Alright, let’s make it happen then.


  1. That’s a good start, I need to list all the things I had to achieve then make it easier to analyze, so i can understand which part I need to focus on FIRST as a priority. AND, see your goals again, do that achievable or not. If it is achievable, start grind on it first, of course i will meet painful moment when to focus on things which i abbandon another productivity. BUT MAKE IT SEPARATABLE SO LATER I CAN DO IT WHEN I ACHIEVE MY OWN GOALS.
  2. Start smalls yet achievable.
  3. Stop comparing myself to my successful friend in a bad way. I know am unique and incomparable.
  4. Begin to SELL your skill and the raw things you had learned. Stop saying I don't deserve it, at least TRY AND GET READY FOR THE CHALLENGE.
  5. Discipline me to sleep enough, eat enough, and even work enough. STOP WHEN IT SHOULD BE.

Chaotic. Hyperactive Learner. Americano Coffee Addict.